Talk about the nerves. Well they've relaxed a bit over the weekend when it was announced that classes won't be starting until next week. Yep, was happy then. But it would be just about 6 days until it does. I went to school today to get my Certificate of Matriculation and to have my photo taken for the ID. Man, it doesn't feel the same as it was 5 years ago (at least) when I's enroll. Oh well, I guess I'd just have to let it all go as planned. Will get used to it soon anyway, my mind (more so the nerves) willing or not. Sigh..

There’s only one word to express what I’m feeling at this moment – wretched. I dunno what to say. I love you but I hate you for what you are right now. You’ve become a friggin’ royal colossal jerk. I guess I have a clue (somehow) why you turned out this way but come on; you really haven’t gotten over that until now? Grow up! You’re not supposed to be the asshole that you are. You’re supposed to be stronger, matured and a good example. But what are you showing us? You really want us to turn the same almost-monster that you are? I know you want us to be better than what we are now. I know you still love us somehow and that you want the best for us. I want to see that person again. I miss him. I miss how he takes care of us, I miss how he was there for us, I miss how he loved us. For the nth time, you made me cry again. You’re supposed to make me feel the luckiest but right now I feel I’m the biggest unfortunate of all time.. Does it make you happy seeing me this way? Are you glad that we’re slowly falling apart? I hope so. Otherwise you should be doing something to fix things up. Before we all live to hate you.

You’re tough. I’m you’re biggest fan. You’re my sun. I’d die without you. You probably see me looking the opposite but I love you and I hope you know that. I’ve never seen a soul like you. You outshine the rest. If I were in you’re shoes, I would most likely be six feet under the ground right now. Please hang on. Be strong. Things will get better for us. Keep the faith and live with hope. We may not have everything we want but I know someday we’d have what we pray for – happiness and peace of mind. God indeed has a plan for us. Maybe it’s really not the time yet for those plans to come into realization but isn’t that the purpose of our existence? To live with that fervent hope that God will deliver from all these pain? I know you know that. And I know you’ll be with me just I’d be there for you each step of the way. Don’t think or even feel that you are alone. He may leave you but I won’t. This is our battle. And I won’t give up until you do. I love you with all my heart. Please know that.