You are Temperance

Time. Ages. Transformation. Involuntary change

Temperance is another card of aspiration, but also of much change. It often represents complex situations. Positively, you can harmonize contrary forces.

Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." The original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning for you to "temper" your behavior, to cut your wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

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Got the Tarot from Milan08, and he got it from ColdChinito and the following from here.

BTW, I haven't thanked Luna_Tik yet for helping me out with the initial layout for this page. Thank you po! Hugs! ü

Hmmn.. Am I these things? As they say, what you think you are - facts present or otherwise..

What Venessa Means

V is for Vivid E is for Enjoyable N is for Nutty E is for Ebullient S is for Sweet S is for Stylish A is for Alluring

In 1984 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US On a Challenger mission, two astronauts become the first humans to fly free of a spacecraft An Union Carbide insecticide plant in Bhopal, India seeps toxic gas killing over 2,000 Penthouse magazine publishes nude photographs of Miss America Vanessa Williams The Soviet Union boycotts the Los Angeles Summer Olympics Richard Stallman starts developing GNU "Where's the Beef?" commercial campaign for Wendy's airs for the first time The Apple Macintosh, the first consumer computer to use a computer mouse and GUI interface, is introduced by Apple Ethiopian famine begins Mandy Moore and Avril Lavigne are born Detroit Tigers win the World Series Los Angeles Raiders win Superbowl XVIII Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup Ghost Busters, Beverly Hills Cop, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, and The Karate Kid are top grossing films "When Doves Cry" by Prince and the Revolution spends the most time at the top of US charts Michael Jackson's hair catches fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial The Cosby Show, Punky Brewster, and Who's the Boss? premiere

You Were Born Under:

You are quick witted, charming, and bring luck to all who know you. A bit greedy, you tend to go after what you want - with success. Clever, you seek out knowledge... and eventually use what you know to your advantage. You are very loyal, and you treat your real friends like they are family. You are most compatible with a Dragon or Monkey.

Your Birth Month is December

You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe. Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity. Your soul reflects: Celebration, success, and wealth Your gemstone: Blue Topaz Your flower: Narcissus Your colors: Indigo, green, and blue-green

Your Birthdate: December 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined. Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation. Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you. You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively. Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness Your power color: Navy blue Your power symbol: Shield Your power month: April

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Flexible and broad minded, you can fit in to any situation. There's no telling where your life will take you. Consistent and reliable, you like to count on structure and routine in your life. Your emotions tend to be well though out. You're willing to wait out a bad situation, and you're never too quick to act.

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

Your Psyche is Yellow

You have a ton of energy - both physical and mental endurance. You are rational and logical, and you can help almost anyone think clearly. Optimistic and bright, you also have a secret side that's a little darker. When you are too yellow: You will do anything to get your way, and no one will be the wiser When you don't have enough yellow: you lack confidence, drive, and humor.

You Are A Hornbeam Tree

You are a reserved person, looking in from the outside. Naturally attractive, you take good care of your looks. You are not egoistic, and you make life as comfortable as possible. You look for kindness in others - though you are seldom happy with yourself. A bit mistrusting and unsure, you dream of being swept away by someone unusual.

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger. However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down. You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding. Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are. With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single. To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

You Belong in Summer

Energetic, creative, and very curious about the world... You're not going to let anything hold you back, especially a cold day. Whether you're chilling out at the beach or partying all night, you live for the warm weather.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

Guys, please pray for my baby cousin, who will be admitted today at PGH. Once his doctors determine that his vital signs are okay, he will immediately undergo surgery. He  has cancer of the liver - Hepatoblastoma - and it is congenital. This means it was present at birth. Owen is a very energetic, happy baby. And it pains us that he has to undergo this situation. He is barely 6 months old.

We only noticed the swell on his tummy a week ago. After consulting his pedia at the Medical City satellite clinic here in Antipolo last week, we (Tita Pat, Owen and I) went to Medical City (Main) to have him scheduled for CT scan although after waiting for a couple hours, no appointment was settled. No anaesthesiologist is available with/for the medical plan he has.

The day after, Tita Pat and Tito Ruel went to the Chinese General Hospital and finally he underwent CT scan (thanks to Tita Lynette and our other friends' effort). The impression given wasn't clear. We just got a question mark (?) under the definition of the discovered mass. Jan's (Owen's oldest brother) pedia referred us to her colleague in St. Luke's who is a specialist in Pediatric Gastroentology. After talking to her, Owen once again went through CT scan as the first result was blurry and she cannot give a clear assessment. Just imagine the shots my little cousin has to go through once again as he has to be sedated for the scan.

Yesterday, we got the result of the scan and his parents were told he needs to undergo surgery. With the size of the mass now, it cannot be dissolved with medicine nor be eliminated by laser. It is not known yet what stage the cancer is. It will only be verified once the mass on his tummy is removed, mass that has grown to 6.2mm. After the operation he has to go through chemotherapy.

This is the second time cancer struck our family (first instance is of Daddy's, prostate) and it is unfortunate that from the eldest it had to be the youngest one. He is innocent, walang kamalay-malay. I feel my tito and tita's pain as I am like a second mother to Owen.

An hour ago they (Tito Ruel, Tita Pat and Owen) left for the hospital and I just cried. What the doctor said keeps ringing on my mind: "Mas mabuti ngang habang malakas siya ay operahan na kaysa pag hindi na niya kaya..." No, Owen is strong and I know he will fight. Deeply bothered and heartbroken as I am, I am keeping my hopes up, praying that he goes through the operation and healing process triumphantly.

Rouen Jace

Once again guys, this little baby needs your prayers. Please do. Thanks much.

Makulit. Kolokoy. Pasaway. Gitnang gulo-gulo. - I'm of course referring to Anjo, Owen's elder brother. We celebrated his birthday today. It wasn't much, nor were we so happy as Owen is still in the hospital. We bought cake, Ate Bing cooked and I organized.  From work, I met Ate Bing, Anjo, Mon and Jan at the church and we picked up the cake. When we arrived home, we had lunch and I had Anjo and Jan take their siesta. I slept too, was so tired from work. A bit longer than usual, we woke up at around 6PM and we had our little celebration at dinner. After dinner we watched DVDs of the neverending Hi-5, Dora and Barney and Blues Clues. I usually get strained from watching the said videos, memorizing songs from each without meaning to but somehow I enjoyed tonight's couching.

Happy 2nd Birthday
ANJO!

I silently cried while we were singing Anjo the Birthday Song as I remembered Owen. The poor baby hasn't been operated yet, and it wasn't explained to me clearly why. They were supposed to go home today but call it divine intervention, they were asked to stay and he will finally undergo surgery tomorrow. Tito Ruel went home to see the kids and to pick up stuff for the hospital and after an hour or two, he left. Naaawa ako sa kanila ni Tita Pat. I know never in their wildest dreams did they imagine having to go through this predicament. But I also know that everything has a reason and a purpose. I just hope that when we are shown what they are, it wouldn't cause more pain. I cannot even begin to think of possibilities. Bad ones. I am scared but it's better to have it done soon so the treatment can finally be gotten over and done with. And I'm hoping for the best.

You just don't know how much encouragement we are getting from you guys. Prayers work miracles, and that's what he needs right now.

To all of you who are including Owen in their prayers, 

Owen is currently in the ICU, the operation lasted till afternoon yesterday. Still, we do not know the result yet. The doctors are examining the mass they took out from his tummy. I hope the stage is not severe yet so it can be treated with chemo and finally be gone. I'm worried of him as well as his brothers. Jan's asthma makes him throw up (phlegm) now and then so his tummy is aching. Anjo on the other hand, has lagnat again and again. I dunno why this is happening. My titos and titas are gonna be going back now so we will be alone home - just me, the kids and Ate Bing.

The room policy in PGH is sort of annoying me. If a patient is in the ICU, the watchers are ordered to vacate the room so now Tito Ruel and Tita Pat are just sitting on the seats on the corridors. That's double depression. Anxiety, tiredness, worry. I hope they cut them some slack. There are not much people getting private suites anyway. The poor couple has been stressed for days now.

I dunno if Owen is awake already. He's still in the ICU while his blood is cleansed. The bad blood needs to be taken out (cancer cells neet not survive and increase in number or size). Anjo's Ninong Fred, Kuya Mark and Tito Fuji donated blood and what they gave is used to replace what's taken out of him. The poor baby has like 2 or 3 tubes so the blood can go in and out of him. Like what his mother said, pinipiga ang puso ko, tinurukan na naman siya...

We do not know when are they coming back so I need to stay home to look after the kids especially that they are both sick right now. I don't want their parents becoming more worried than they already are. We are hoping that Owen wakes up soon and be taken back to a suite. It's better than seeing him helpless, unconscious and beaten in the ICU.

Owen's parents extend their thanks to all of you who prayed for him and their family. It is still a long road but we are all holding on.

As my share of this “revelations hush-hush”, I am giving you some particulars about myself..
 
 

...cold. You crushed my soul. Now you wanted to bring it all back? Maybe it will; once I forget how painful it was to be left by you weak and broken. Maybe it will, in a thousand year's time.

..disillusioned. I once built my world around you yet you never cared. Then you wanted friendship. How can one ever be friends with someone he/she wants to be more than just friends with?

..sarcastic. I thought you made me live again. But after sometime I realized you had me go through the same path I've been avoiding for the past 3 years. Vicious cycle. Sweetly cruel.

..hollow. You scraped me of my confidence, you ruined my faith. Now I am left unsure and insecure. I sleep and wake up just to say I exist. But inside my soul is churning, as I wait for my time. I'm slowly, weakly, fading into oblivion.

..incomplete. I was waiting for you all my life. Then I learned you will not come at all. I didn't know what to say, where to turn to. But I do know that although we haven't met, you will always have that space in me that makes me incomplete unless I see and touch you.

Yesterday was so very tiring! Lolabelle asked me to join him procuring his graduation certificate and me being a good friend (LOL) said yes. So after shift, off we went  to UP Diliman. Ay josme! Naloka ako! The jeepney ride from building to building is just so...I dunno. 'Tis ok naman although very tiring. It was so very hot and the blasted bus we rode wasn't well ventilated. It would have been better if we rode an ordinary one. Mas mahangin pa.

We haven't eaten lunch yet so when we arrived sa Registrar, we settled for C2s, fish and squidballs (those are the only food available then aside from siopao). After getting the form, we went to PNB to pay the fee but then the line was too long so Lola decided to just go back on  Monday. We walked a little then waited for a cab. Sa malas, walang nagsakay sa amin dahil from UP punta kaming Megamall. Although I understand that it's a little distant from tere, nakakainis pa rin. Ang init at gusto ko ng aircon!!! So since walang taxi na nagmagandang-loob sa amin, we settled for riding a jeep (again) going to Pantranco, then rode MRT at Quenzon Ave then bumaba (finally) ng Megamall. I wanted to cry! I felt people were coming down on me, was a little dizzy and I cannot look up. Nakayuko lang ako. Joel knows why.

We we arrived at Megamall, we went straight to the lavatories to get refreshed as we felt so drenched from the heat (pawis kung pawis!) After that, we sat and talked a little (I think it was really more than a little) over ice crazes (ang tamis!). Then we strolled, passed by Joel's favorite store. After that, we went to the department store as I wanted to pick out something for UBE (Ultimate Bonding Experience that will happen tomorrow, in Zambales. Yey!) While we were going around, he received a text from his mom abotu a call from the doctor who assessed his tests in Crame (yata) and since his mom wasn't told why they needed to talk to him, napraning ang Lola ko. He decided to go ahead. Napraning talaga!

So we parted ways. I decide to look around. Was able to buy some things. When I looked at the time, I was surprised it was almost 9PM! I was beginning to feel so tired, my feet aching. I decided to go home. I arrived at around past ten and I felt no nanghihina. After washy, I held Owen and rocked him to sleep. For the past few days he was so irritable and is crying a lot. I cooed him to sleep and he did, in fact he slept well. He didn't wake up in between sleep and so Tita Pat was able to sleep well too.

As I woke up today, I thank God for small blessings that give me smiles. I am thankful that I have friends to go on adventures, even impromptu ones. I am thankful that Owen is doing good despite things he will have to still undergo in the next few weeks or months. I am thanful that I am given the stregnth to go through life everyday and lastly, I am thankful that I am able to share parts of my life to friends and even to the unknown.

995 days, 6 hours and 27 minutes. I barely noticed that my time was up. I thought I had to still go to work then I realized that it was already in effect. With that, I don't have to do it anymore. It's over. I have mixed feelings right now. I'm sad. I'm happy. I'm relieved. I'm nervous. I anticipated this already pero iba pa rin talaga pag anjan na. The days I spent with PS are incomparable. It was my second home for almost 3 years. And the thought that I am already out of it just sunk in. 


  

I was thinking of a mushfest kind of entry and really, now that I am doing this post, lines are a bit difficult for me to make. There are a lot of people I wanna thank, a lot of things I want to remember.  The list is long and it goes on...

*** PSB 130
   ~> my batch in PS. There are only six now left from it - Lem, Jerome, Judea, Jett, Melvin and Tasha. may your stay with the company be more fruitful I'll never forget you guys. Other members who have gone too already are Jinggay, Ayin and Alan, Jone, Tess, Gaye, Ivan, Ivy, Mommy Gene, Ina, Myks, Jan, Rovi, Tiborce, Sig, Ate Lai, Kaetea, Mayi, Zhai, France, Tats, Joel.



*** IPC CORE
   ~> my first family in PS. Albeit stress and irates, we had fun. Peppercorn Place? Wirefly? RAZr? Ameridial? Haha.. These people made me survive each freaking day: Pipay, Gemma, Dex, Prince, Nikki, Gie, Mon, Sheng, Enn, Ava, Bang, Perci, Mayrose, Hershey, Dustin, Dondy, Em, Dimple, Jo, Myles. All the best.



***NSI
   ~> my family for the past 2 years. There are a lot of people I wanna remember! Thanks to the following for brightening up my day and lighting my path at night.
        - Ever wholesome Ric and Sheryll
        - Favorite WF analyst Mark Funcion and Chiqui
        - -ikel friends and Marces Hanna, Eisset, Rhandi, Allen, Ewing,
          Jerome, Marlo, Mikah, Junville, Mackhie, France, Jaja,
          Donnabelle, Mic, Elmer, Elfie, Franco, Hazel, Kat, Kiam, Eric V and
          Z, Gail, Alynor, Rye, JP, Mel, Gen, Migz, Lord, Zinnia, Ian, Laurence,
          Gharz, Kat M, Agnes, Gwen, Nom, Gem, Zan, Bekka, Mitch
        - My fellow faxers Leah, Joeff, Dave, Fabs, Paci and Jellidon
        - My ates Thea, Vhan and Len
        - Rich Kid Cherfers Leslie, Kalai, Jade, Jas, Jaq, Judd, Milan, April, 
          Arlan, Tets, Grace, Cynth, Mond, Noemi, Andre, Chadd and Jjava.

 

***Pool of Sups
   ~> Kate, mentor and good friend (Inay). Bob, great motivator and adviser. Belle, brave and helpful. Marc, understanding and friendly. Ia, wise and quick. Mon, dependable and funny. Trix, charming and accommodating. Mitch, dedicated and absolute. Thanks for all the encouragement and motivation.

***Group of SMEs
   ~> Via, witty and flirty (hahaha). Mitch, firm and goofy (Ms. Escalator este Escalada). Marc Tomas, another absolute and master (I'm not Superman...!). EricE, smooth and cool. Lee, always dependable and knowledgeable, my fave SME (pass your paper haha..). Demet, firm and no-nonsense. Ace, easy does it and cheerful. Tere, sweet and smart (Aherm!). Thanks for your assistance and friendship.

*** Club of QAs
   ~> Monique, my fave QA ever. Tope, scary at first pero funny pala. Tin, good analyst. Van, 2nd fave QA. Louis, funny guy (aka Sunoy). Edgar, funnier guy (knock-knock!). Tina, thorough. Mike, kolokoy and kind. Brian, good coach. Johanna, cool and relaxed. Thanks for enlightening and guiding me.

*** My Circle
   ~> Frennie, my Frenniga (Say wut now?!). Dianne, my fellow Doll (amastikwityou!). Rhon, my fellow roadtripper (Bilatsina!).  Jhona, my Oink and fellow pasaway. Joel, my Lola and fellow bitchera. Mommy Terry, my pillar of salt and confidante. Thanks for the laughs as well as the vices..I mean the advices.

I don't know where I got the courage to walk away. There were a lot of things to consider. And I also thought before my SA take its toll on me (again), I decided to go. It was tough but I had to make choices. I had to think of what may be out there for me, what really makes me happy and of what I have to accomplish in life. Advancement, kumbaga. Although I have been happy with the people I were with, I didn't see myself growing. Sorry pero nagpatung-patong na lahat. SA, morale, etc. There were times I feel elated with work then feel so down low. I know sh*t happens and maybe I got all fed up. Three years is a very long time. I felt I had to start thinking about my life. I mean doing what I really love to do.

Once again, to the people who have been a part of my life for the past three years, thank you. You will always be a part of this life. I will always remember the laughs and cries, the stress and action, the love and friendship. Love you all!

I'm literally choking a sob. Today's not the best of all days. What makes it all the more sad is knowing that there are some things left unsettled. Everything was meant as a joke. It wasn't to mock or hurt anybody. And I thought it was ok. But I guess there are still things in life I have to learn about. I didn't expect it would cause much anger and even tears. There's only room now for remorse, and forgiveness. And I truly regret ever doing it, even tried to somehow undo what's done. I said my piece already. I dunno if I was already forgiven or not but I do hope it's water under the bridge already. Mahirap umalis ng alam mong may masama ang loob sa'yo.

I've posted this before but I am reposting it as it somehow applies to what I am going through right now..

There are still so many things I want to achieve in this life and indeed, it's quite a difficult start. There are times when my eagerness to start doing what I have to do go overdrive then after a while I just...stop. I just lose it. I realized I have to have more courage and for the meantine, I just have to cope up with the lessons life is giving me. But I know in time I'd have enough for me to start taking things more deeply. To start reaching and attaining what I am destined for. And I need to wait till then.

It's a struggle I intend to win. This is the price for my peace of mind. Many people may not understand but I stay firm with my decision. There are quite some what-ifs but there's no room for regret. I know it will take some time, me surpassing the challenge but as I said before, I will ride the current and hopefully God leads me to my rightful place under the sun. And I need to wait till then.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength...
- August Wilson

An excerpt from a yellow musty diary, dated August 7th of 20..

Have you ever felt your life passing you by? That you sleep every night and wake up each morning just to say you exist? Why does it happen all the time? I'm not entirely a bad person but it feels as if I am punished for something grave. Right now it feels as if all the demons of the past are closing in on me and there's nowhere to turn to. I can't breathe.

Will I ever find the happiness I've been looking for all my life? Am I even gonna be given the chance to live a life opposite of what I'm living now? Is peace of mind an impossible thing to wish for? Is this the price for wishing for it?

All my life I only yearned for one thing - a happy and simple life. Is it too much to ask for? I cannot remember ever being happy and not being miserable the next. For as long as I can remember life has been slapping me with difficulties. And no, I won't write about coping up in the end. Too much ecouragement already for this tortured heart.

I just find it unfair that I have to go through all the things I went through. Sometimes I just wanna run away from it all, break free, vanish. But I know I couldn't. I am confined, restrained. It's just sad that although there are some people trying to reach out to me I cannot completely give my hand and open up.

There may be a lot of things that I can be thankful for in this life but none of them could ever make up for the pain I felt, the tears I cried, all the sleepless nights and for all the emotions I invested. And it's making me lose my mind as I have no one to blame for this desolation.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed about overcoming all hurdles, finding my prince and living happily ever after. I thought of life as a fairytale and I still do. The only difference is now I know better. Life may still be sort of a fairy tale that I will have to undergo said troubles only that now I know the Snow White in me cannot be awakend even by Prince Charming's kiss.